1 00:00:05,401 --> 00:00:08,676 You see, if the pony runs away and becomes a flower, 2 00:00:08,815 --> 00:00:10,538 his mommy will become a bumblebee 3 00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:12,055 so she can be with him. 4 00:00:12,193 --> 00:00:13,193 Look what we got. 5 00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:15,296 A box of goodies for Mabel 6 00:00:15,434 --> 00:00:17,675 from cousin Connie and cousin Arthur. 7 00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:19,261 Oh, that's nice. 8 00:00:19,399 --> 00:00:21,640 See, and if the pony becomes an ocean, 9 00:00:21,778 --> 00:00:23,812 then his mommy becomes a fish 10 00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:26,260 so she can be with him. 11 00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:29,156 Look. It's stuff their kids outgrew. 12 00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:31,190 Look at the jumper. We need a jumper. 13 00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:32,534 We gotta call them. 14 00:00:32,672 --> 00:00:34,155 Well, get 'em on the phone. 15 00:00:34,293 --> 00:00:36,534 See, and if the pony becomes an island, 16 00:00:36,672 --> 00:00:38,810 his mommy becomes a palm tree 17 00:00:38,948 --> 00:00:40,395 so she can be with him. 18 00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:41,981 Ugh. Honey, look at this. 19 00:00:44,532 --> 00:00:45,532 That's disgusting. 20 00:00:47,153 --> 00:00:49,704 See, if the pony becomes a beach, 21 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,946 his mommy becomes a seashell 22 00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:54,635 so she can be with him. 23 00:00:54,773 --> 00:00:56,324 Look. At little bear. 24 00:00:56,462 --> 00:00:57,634 Oh, that's so sweet. 25 00:00:57,772 --> 00:00:59,575 Oh. We gotta get them on the phone and thank them. 26 00:00:59,599 --> 00:01:01,323 It looks like a little pooh bear. 27 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:02,599 Get 'em on the phone. 28 00:01:08,874 --> 00:01:10,357 Honey, all the pooh's coming out. 29 00:01:13,252 --> 00:01:14,770 Well, that's disgusting. 30 00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:18,080 Look. If the pony becomes a bird, 31 00:01:18,218 --> 00:01:20,320 his mommy becomes a nest 32 00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:22,286 so she can be with him. 33 00:01:22,424 --> 00:01:24,319 Look. This is so cute. Look at this. 34 00:01:24,457 --> 00:01:25,664 It's a little denim jacket. 35 00:01:25,803 --> 00:01:28,009 I've been wanting to find a jacket like this for her. 36 00:01:28,147 --> 00:01:29,319 I have to call them. 37 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,353 I'm saying, go get them on the phone. 38 00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,353 And if the pony becomes the moon, 39 00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:34,801 his mommy becomes the stars 40 00:01:34,939 --> 00:01:36,353 so she can be with him. 41 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:38,370 So, basically, though the mommy loves this pony, 42 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,501 that pony, frankly, never gonna get a moment's peace. 43 00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:42,800 Ugh. 44 00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:43,938 Look at this. 45 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,730 What is that, jell-o? 46 00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:48,351 God, I... 47 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,832 I just really hope so. 48 00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,281 Oh, my god. 49 00:01:56,418 --> 00:01:58,763 What... what are they, sending us garbage? 50 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,935 I'm gonna get them on the phone. 51 00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:19,622 ♪ Tell me why I love you like I do 52 00:02:19,759 --> 00:02:22,379 ♪ Tell me who can stop my heart 53 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,034 ♪ As much as you 54 00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:26,310 ♪ Let's take each other's hand 55 00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:29,447 ♪ And we jump into the final frontier ♪ 56 00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:41,342 "Kind of potato," Five letters. 57 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,066 Did you just say Idaho? 58 00:02:46,204 --> 00:02:48,724 Sweetie, have you seen my little home plate sweeper-offer thing? 59 00:02:48,824 --> 00:02:49,859 Oh, my god. 60 00:02:49,996 --> 00:02:51,961 Look how cute your daddy is. 61 00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:53,961 Huh? Cute and 62 00:02:54,099 --> 00:02:55,299 bearing an uncanny resemblance 63 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,374 to legendary film star Spanky. 64 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,995 I think it's so sweet you're umpiring your father's game 65 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,246 That's just what a bunch of 70 and 80-year-old men need 66 00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,648 is a guy standing behind them, yelling suddenly. 67 00:03:07,372 --> 00:03:08,441 Hey, Splinky. 68 00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:09,579 Hey, Spanky. 69 00:03:11,131 --> 00:03:12,176 Hey, James. I got your mail. 70 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,440 Thank you, uncle Ira. 71 00:03:13,578 --> 00:03:15,378 You're welcome. So, Paulie, let me understand, 72 00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:17,923 I am the designated runner for the softball game? 73 00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:19,061 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 74 00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:20,301 So, which ones do I run for? 75 00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:21,439 For all of them. 76 00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:22,508 For all of them? 77 00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,301 They can't run, these guys. 78 00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:25,518 Well, maybe if they can't run, 79 00:03:25,542 --> 00:03:26,902 they shouldn't be playing softball. 80 00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,335 Hey, who do you know in Pittsburgh? 81 00:03:29,473 --> 00:03:31,610 In Pittsburgh? Uh, absolutely nobody. 82 00:03:31,748 --> 00:03:32,897 You know what I'm talking about? 83 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,610 The little wiry, brushy, just sweep thing. 84 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,920 "Dear, Paul, I hope this card finds you well. 85 00:03:37,058 --> 00:03:39,023 "I know you'll be pleased to hear 86 00:03:39,161 --> 00:03:40,161 "That I'm just fine 87 00:03:40,298 --> 00:03:42,195 "And living here happily with my family. 88 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:43,642 "I owe it all to you, Paul, 89 00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,126 "And I will never forget. 90 00:03:45,264 --> 00:03:46,608 "Yours eternally, 91 00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:48,746 "Svetlana Poszinsky." 92 00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:51,056 Who's that? 93 00:03:51,194 --> 00:03:52,194 No idea. 94 00:03:52,262 --> 00:03:53,400 No idea? 95 00:03:53,538 --> 00:03:55,434 No idea. Little wiry, brushy, sweepy thing. 96 00:03:55,572 --> 00:03:56,685 You know what I'm talking about. 97 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,330 Is there some psychotic Russian woman 98 00:03:58,468 --> 00:03:59,709 sending you intimate postcards? 99 00:04:01,295 --> 00:04:02,399 Svetlana. 100 00:04:02,537 --> 00:04:03,537 So you know her? 101 00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:05,985 Oh, boy. Not really. 102 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,018 What? Not... you know... 103 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,846 Oh, this is so long ago. 104 00:04:11,191 --> 00:04:12,707 She was a minor, 105 00:04:12,846 --> 00:04:14,879 may I say minor, figure in my life. 106 00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:16,062 Like what, an old girlfriend? 107 00:04:16,086 --> 00:04:17,327 Oh, less than that. 108 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,189 What, a one-night stand? 109 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,327 Less than that. 110 00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:22,085 Anything less than that 111 00:04:22,223 --> 00:04:23,343 is a stranger on the subway. 112 00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:25,602 She and... all right... 113 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:26,981 You are gonna laugh. 114 00:04:28,222 --> 00:04:29,257 I believe. 115 00:04:31,359 --> 00:04:32,990 I think you're gonna laugh when I tell you this. 116 00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,463 This is... 'cause this is... 117 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,083 Is such a source of comedy. Um... 118 00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,186 We 119 00:04:40,324 --> 00:04:42,633 Uh, Svetlana... Svetlana and I, 120 00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:44,150 we were married. 121 00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:50,047 I'm gonna go practice my running. 122 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,460 I'll see you over at the park. 123 00:04:53,598 --> 00:04:55,493 You were married to this woman? 124 00:04:55,631 --> 00:04:57,286 I wasn't married... 125 00:04:57,873 --> 00:04:58,873 Except that... 126 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,286 Well, yes, I was married. 127 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,699 You were married. 128 00:05:02,838 --> 00:05:06,251 For, like, 14 hours on paper, on paper. 129 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,526 You were married. 130 00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:09,837 Sweetie, there was, there was no romance. 131 00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,801 There was no... love. 132 00:05:11,939 --> 00:05:13,767 There was nothing. This was on paper only. 133 00:05:13,905 --> 00:05:15,283 She was, she was Russian. 134 00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:18,697 When I was at NYU, I met Svetlana, like... thrice. 135 00:05:19,456 --> 00:05:20,489 Thrice? 136 00:05:20,627 --> 00:05:21,938 Thrice. Three Times. Thrice. 137 00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:23,282 Uh-huh. 138 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:24,834 Sweetie, you know what it is? 139 00:05:24,972 --> 00:05:27,903 She loved America. She wanted to stay, so, you know, 140 00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,419 she asked me if I would marry her 141 00:05:29,557 --> 00:05:31,247 in name, in name only. 142 00:05:31,385 --> 00:05:32,545 So I wanted to be a nice guy. 143 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,764 I was 20. I was, like, 20. 144 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,740 Did I know that I was gonna be having this conversation with you? 145 00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:37,866 I didn't know you. No. 146 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,429 So we went down to city hall, we got married, 147 00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:40,970 and I've, I've never seen her. 148 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,389 I've literally never seen her again in my life ever since. 149 00:05:43,659 --> 00:05:45,139 You were married. Yeah, okay, sweetie, 150 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,003 Do you understand what I... 151 00:05:47,141 --> 00:05:49,796 It... it was nothing. It was a pretend thing. 152 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,978 This is not even a marriage. 153 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,242 It's like we went to Halloween, 154 00:05:52,278 --> 00:05:54,002 And we were dressed up as a married couple. 155 00:05:55,277 --> 00:05:57,070 It... it was nothing. 156 00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:58,932 This is a microscopic... this is... 157 00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:01,760 You know what this is? It's like soupy sales meant more to me. 158 00:06:02,931 --> 00:06:04,138 Was she attractive? 159 00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:05,620 No. Yeah. 160 00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,206 She wasn't unattractive. She was, you know. 161 00:06:12,343 --> 00:06:14,516 She had, like, a Russian exotic quality. 162 00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:15,826 Exotic? Interesting. 163 00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,826 Sweetie, everybody's attractive in some way. 164 00:06:17,964 --> 00:06:19,078 You know, all of God's creatures. 165 00:06:19,102 --> 00:06:20,782 I suppose if you look... what's the matter? 166 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,032 I'm your second wife. 167 00:06:23,446 --> 00:06:24,446 Stop it. 168 00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:25,828 I'm the second Mrs. Paul Buchman. 169 00:06:25,894 --> 00:06:28,583 This is... this is... it's ridiculous. 170 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,582 So when you said "I do," did you kiss her? 171 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,306 I, you know, yeah. You know 172 00:06:32,444 --> 00:06:34,755 like the pope would kiss the top of a sick child's head. 173 00:06:36,202 --> 00:06:37,306 I see. 174 00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:38,546 This... it's nothing. 175 00:06:38,684 --> 00:06:39,892 Trust me, this means nothing. 176 00:06:40,029 --> 00:06:41,149 Don't make anything of this. 177 00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:42,408 Make nothing of this, please. 178 00:06:42,718 --> 00:06:43,787 Okay? 179 00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,269 I am standing here in umpire's clothing, 180 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,269 begging you to make nothing of it. 181 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:49,487 There's nothing to be made. 182 00:06:49,511 --> 00:06:50,624 Look, this is such a small... 183 00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:52,579 Nothing. This is such a... 184 00:06:52,717 --> 00:06:54,234 Big pile of nothing to worry about. 185 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,096 A small pile. It's a small pile of nothing. 186 00:06:56,234 --> 00:06:57,303 It's not even a pile. 187 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:58,865 There's no pile with which worry could be... 188 00:06:58,889 --> 00:06:59,957 You shouldn't even worry. 189 00:07:00,095 --> 00:07:01,815 There's nothing. There's nothing here, okay? 190 00:07:02,371 --> 00:07:03,611 Okay. So we're fine. 191 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:05,508 You see, you see that this is... 192 00:07:05,646 --> 00:07:07,197 You see what it is, right? It's... 193 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,025 You see what this is? 194 00:07:10,059 --> 00:07:11,059 You were married. 195 00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,128 Okay. 196 00:07:17,264 --> 00:07:18,437 Batter up! 197 00:07:18,575 --> 00:07:19,895 Your attention, please. 198 00:07:19,954 --> 00:07:22,161 Now making his way to the plate, 199 00:07:22,299 --> 00:07:24,298 loving husband to Estelle, 200 00:07:24,436 --> 00:07:27,332 loving father to Randy and Richard, 201 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,504 loving grandfather 202 00:07:28,642 --> 00:07:30,607 to Howard and Todd, 203 00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:32,676 number 12, 204 00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:36,537 Al Birnbaum, 205 00:07:36,848 --> 00:07:37,848 Number 12. 206 00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:39,882 Come on, Al! 207 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,020 Go get 'em, Al! 208 00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:42,536 Show 'em where you live, Al! 209 00:07:42,674 --> 00:07:44,122 That's the spirit, Al! 210 00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:47,467 That's a lovely camera, Sylvia. 211 00:07:47,604 --> 00:07:49,535 Oh, thank you. You know, it does everything. 212 00:07:49,673 --> 00:07:52,363 It focuses, it fades in, it fades out. 213 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:53,914 It goes in slow motion, 214 00:07:54,052 --> 00:07:55,880 And you never have to change the batteries. 215 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,811 I said I liked it. What do you want from me? 216 00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:02,637 And once again, 217 00:08:03,154 --> 00:08:04,395 batter up. 218 00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:05,533 Get a hit, Al! 219 00:08:05,602 --> 00:08:06,774 Give it a ride, Al! 220 00:08:08,912 --> 00:08:10,394 Go, Al! Go, Al! 221 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,567 That's the spirit! 222 00:08:11,705 --> 00:08:14,291 And once again, let us say, batter up. 223 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,221 All right, already, with the "batter up." 224 00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:18,600 I'm just... just trying to move things along here. 225 00:08:18,738 --> 00:08:20,014 Fine. All right. 226 00:08:24,530 --> 00:08:25,909 Ball's in. 227 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,633 Bring it on, sucker. 228 00:08:28,322 --> 00:08:29,598 Put it in. 229 00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:31,736 He ain't no batter. 230 00:08:31,874 --> 00:08:34,287 First pitch, first man, first strike, Eddie boy! 231 00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:36,873 Mr. Edlin... 232 00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:38,011 If you would. 233 00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:41,942 Hey. 234 00:08:42,079 --> 00:08:43,320 So now I'm running? 235 00:08:43,458 --> 00:08:45,872 Now. Anytime seems appropriate. Run, yes. 236 00:08:49,526 --> 00:08:50,733 Safe! He's safe. 237 00:08:50,871 --> 00:08:52,319 What? 238 00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:53,812 Safe. His foot hit the bag right before the ball came. 239 00:08:53,836 --> 00:08:55,560 Come on, Paul! 240 00:08:55,698 --> 00:08:57,053 Pop, I don't know what to tell you. 241 00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:58,455 He's safe. He was in there. 242 00:08:58,593 --> 00:08:59,801 What's the matter with you? 243 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,110 Hammy. Severe tearing in the hammy and groinial area. 244 00:09:03,248 --> 00:09:04,455 You're the youngest guy here. 245 00:09:04,592 --> 00:09:05,731 I know. The irony. 246 00:09:06,869 --> 00:09:08,351 Paul, he was out. 247 00:09:08,489 --> 00:09:09,937 Look, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. 248 00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,384 Out! 249 00:09:12,522 --> 00:09:14,315 As a matter of fact, he was safe. 250 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:16,074 Are you seriously gonna stand here 251 00:09:16,212 --> 00:09:17,625 and tell me that he was safe? 252 00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:19,729 This is what I'm saying. 253 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:23,349 Then you oughta get your eyes checked, Blue! 254 00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:25,762 Don't, don't push it, number 10. 255 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,899 He was out! Admit it, he was out! 256 00:09:28,037 --> 00:09:29,037 Don't kick dirt, Pop. 257 00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:30,348 All right. I won't kick dirt. 258 00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:31,845 What are you doing? What are you... 259 00:09:31,934 --> 00:09:32,968 You happy? 260 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,450 Do you believe this, everybody? 261 00:09:34,588 --> 00:09:36,416 He was out, Blue. 262 00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:38,380 Mrs. Michalak, I beg to differ. He was safe. 263 00:09:38,518 --> 00:09:39,760 You're blind and a liar. 264 00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,001 Pop, don't push it. 265 00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:42,208 You're a blind liar! 266 00:09:42,346 --> 00:09:43,826 I'm warning you, cut it out right now. 267 00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:47,148 I'm giving you one last warning. Cut it out. 268 00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,827 That's it. All right. 269 00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,896 You're out of here! You're throwing me out? 270 00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,137 Get out of the game! 271 00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:53,378 Your own father? 272 00:09:53,516 --> 00:09:55,723 Yes. I'm sorry, but let's go! Hit the showers! 273 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,274 It'll be my pleasure! 274 00:09:57,412 --> 00:09:58,412 Let's go! 275 00:10:15,134 --> 00:10:16,134 Batter up. 276 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:23,891 Hi. Hi. 277 00:10:25,546 --> 00:10:26,546 You okay? 278 00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:28,201 Yep. Never better. How are you? 279 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,063 I, uh 280 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,752 cannot wait for football season. 281 00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:33,614 Uh-huh. 282 00:10:35,027 --> 00:10:36,509 All right, just tell me, 283 00:10:36,647 --> 00:10:38,451 how long are you gonna be upset about this Svetlana thing? 284 00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:39,544 I don't know. 285 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,992 Well, just so I can pace myself. 286 00:10:41,130 --> 00:10:42,164 Give me a rough idea. 287 00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:43,553 Like, a half an hour? 80 years? What? 288 00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:45,991 I don't know. Forever? 289 00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:48,507 You're gonna be upset about this forever? 290 00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,542 That's the plan. 291 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,990 Would you just tell me what I can do to make this better 292 00:10:53,128 --> 00:10:54,644 There's nothing you can do. 293 00:10:54,783 --> 00:10:56,463 There's nothing... nothing I can do at all? 294 00:10:56,541 --> 00:10:57,621 There's nothing you can do. 295 00:10:58,989 --> 00:11:00,851 Okay. Well, good. All right, good. 296 00:11:00,989 --> 00:11:02,160 So, then let's eat. 297 00:11:03,471 --> 00:11:05,126 I'm sorry. I just can't imagine a time 298 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:06,584 I'm not gonna be upset about this. 299 00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:09,090 Sweetie, 300 00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:10,814 all right, let me say this to you... 301 00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:15,745 I was wrong not to tell you, okay? 302 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,917 I mean, even though it meant nothing to me 303 00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:20,399 and I didn't even remember it myself, 304 00:11:20,537 --> 00:11:23,157 I should have racked my brains and combed my past, 305 00:11:23,295 --> 00:11:25,330 come up with this, and I should have realized 306 00:11:25,468 --> 00:11:26,778 how it would have made you feel, 307 00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,305 and I should have... I should have told you a long time ago, 308 00:11:28,329 --> 00:11:31,432 And for that, I am deeply, deeply, genuinely sorry. 309 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:33,915 Okay. 310 00:11:34,742 --> 00:11:36,052 Really? Uh-huh. 311 00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:38,637 Okay... 312 00:11:38,776 --> 00:11:40,855 'Cause I can't wait to talk about me again. Listen to this. 313 00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:42,465 My father... However, however... 314 00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:43,603 What's the matter? 315 00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:44,706 There is one little thing 316 00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,878 that I need to tell you, too, Paul. 317 00:11:47,016 --> 00:11:48,016 There is? 318 00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:49,360 Yeah. There's a little... 319 00:11:49,498 --> 00:11:50,774 Thing out of my past, 320 00:11:50,912 --> 00:11:52,222 a little unthinking kind of... 321 00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:54,566 "Oh, my god, I forgot" thing that I have, too. 322 00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:56,083 Okay. 323 00:11:56,221 --> 00:11:57,359 I hate to tell you, 324 00:11:57,496 --> 00:11:58,669 'Cause, boy, I don't want you 325 00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:00,807 to go through the kind of hell I've been in lately. 326 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,979 No, no, no. That's okay. Go ahead. 327 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,117 Paul... 328 00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:06,461 Honey... 329 00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:07,530 Yes? 330 00:12:07,599 --> 00:12:08,703 I, uh... 331 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,667 I actually once 332 00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:11,805 accidentally 333 00:12:12,771 --> 00:12:14,011 Had sex for money. 334 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:17,804 I'm sorry? 335 00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:19,908 I had sex for money 336 00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:21,631 accidentally 337 00:12:21,769 --> 00:12:23,872 once, many years ago. 338 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,606 Okay, that's what I don't understand, accidentally. So how... 339 00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:26,910 Yeah, I was right out of college, 340 00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:29,285 I was broke, I met this guy at a party, 341 00:12:29,423 --> 00:12:31,768 and we went back to my place, 342 00:12:31,906 --> 00:12:33,146 and the next morning, 343 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:35,594 he was gone, and he left me... 344 00:12:35,732 --> 00:12:37,559 $100, and I kept it. 345 00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:41,938 That true? Yeah. 346 00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:46,041 Okay, well, that's... you know... 347 00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:48,282 It's not like there was a prearranged thing 348 00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:50,292 where there was a price and both parties knew it. 349 00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,661 No, no, but I can understand 350 00:12:51,799 --> 00:12:53,729 why he would think I was, you know, 351 00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:55,522 a working girl. I was... 352 00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,970 I was pretty trashy that night. Oh, boy. 353 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,246 Wow. 354 00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:03,521 All right. Well, good. 355 00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:04,901 Well, then there you go. 356 00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:07,210 I'm glad you shared that. 357 00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:09,589 Just gives you a $100 bill, 358 00:13:09,727 --> 00:13:10,979 and just puts it on the dresser there? 359 00:13:11,003 --> 00:13:12,037 Yep. 360 00:13:12,175 --> 00:13:13,347 Wow. Ha. 361 00:13:13,485 --> 00:13:14,622 Just like a crisp $100 bill? 362 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,174 Yeah. I don't know if it was exactly a $100 bill. 363 00:13:17,312 --> 00:13:18,794 50s? Whatever. 20s, 10s. 364 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,346 20s? I think maybe some 5s. 365 00:13:20,484 --> 00:13:21,684 5s? Maybe a couple of singles. 366 00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:23,552 Really? I think some change. 367 00:13:24,414 --> 00:13:25,518 Change? Uh-huh. 368 00:13:26,069 --> 00:13:27,069 And a bus pass. 369 00:13:28,966 --> 00:13:30,551 All of this he leaves on the dresser? 370 00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:31,827 Yep. Well 371 00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,310 no. 372 00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:35,309 Where's he put it? 373 00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,447 On the floor. 374 00:13:39,343 --> 00:13:42,183 Guy leaves $100 in small bills, some change and a bus pass on the floor? 375 00:13:42,273 --> 00:13:43,273 Yeah. 376 00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:44,411 As payment for sex? 377 00:13:44,549 --> 00:13:46,032 Yeah. 378 00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:47,930 Just right there on the floor, you're saying? 379 00:13:47,997 --> 00:13:49,790 Not right directly on the floor. 380 00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:51,307 I think the change and the bus pass 381 00:13:51,445 --> 00:13:52,686 were just thrown on the floor, 382 00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:54,858 but the bills were... not. 383 00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:57,824 Where are the bills? 384 00:13:57,892 --> 00:13:58,892 In his wallet. 385 00:14:01,857 --> 00:14:02,936 So you sleep with this guy... 386 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,512 W-w-w-we didn't, you know, 387 00:14:04,649 --> 00:14:06,143 Sleep together sleep together. You didn't sleep together? 388 00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:07,235 But we were going to. 389 00:14:07,373 --> 00:14:08,729 Oh, my god. We were going to, but... 390 00:14:08,753 --> 00:14:10,545 But what? But we didn't. 391 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,324 Now, so you didn't. I barely knew the guy. 392 00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:20,474 Okay. 393 00:14:22,336 --> 00:14:23,440 Guy comes to your house... 394 00:14:23,578 --> 00:14:24,578 You know what? Forget it. 395 00:14:25,439 --> 00:14:26,639 I'm just trying to understand. 396 00:14:39,609 --> 00:14:40,782 Yes? 397 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,437 Hi. I'm looking for Svetlana Poszinsky, please? 398 00:14:43,574 --> 00:14:44,574 Yes. 399 00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:46,781 Also the former Svetlana Buchman. 400 00:14:47,056 --> 00:14:48,436 Yes. 401 00:14:48,574 --> 00:14:51,229 Does Svetlana Poszinsky, the former Svetlana Buchman, live here? 402 00:14:51,366 --> 00:14:52,504 You bet. 403 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,815 May I speak with her, please? 404 00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:54,952 By all means. 405 00:14:55,952 --> 00:14:57,468 Is she home now? Uh-huh. 406 00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,766 May I speak with her, please? 407 00:14:58,917 --> 00:14:59,986 Please. 408 00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:01,123 Ok, um... 409 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,306 Boy, I don't mean to be rude. 410 00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:04,123 I'm just gonna ask this one more time. 411 00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:06,467 May I please speak with Svetlana Poszinsky? 412 00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,088 Absolutely, you may. 413 00:15:08,226 --> 00:15:09,226 Is she home now? 414 00:15:09,846 --> 00:15:10,846 Yes, she is. 415 00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,225 Great. May I speak with her? 416 00:15:12,363 --> 00:15:13,466 Sure. 417 00:15:13,604 --> 00:15:15,328 Ok. Um... 418 00:15:16,431 --> 00:15:17,673 You know what? Let's try this. 419 00:15:17,811 --> 00:15:18,949 What is your name, please? 420 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,775 Svetlana Poszinsky. 421 00:15:22,293 --> 00:15:23,327 Are you sure? 422 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,904 Yes. Your name is Svetlana Poszinsky? 423 00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:26,016 Yes. Are you sure? 424 00:15:26,154 --> 00:15:27,912 Yes. Formerly Svetlana Buchman? 425 00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,326 This is what I'm saying. 426 00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:30,463 Oh, my god. 427 00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:39,462 Here we go. It's the actual civil war Yankees 428 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,738 against the... 429 00:15:40,876 --> 00:15:41,910 "Hey, your fly is open, 430 00:15:42,048 --> 00:15:43,841 you can't go out like that" mets. 431 00:15:44,392 --> 00:15:45,634 Uhh! 432 00:15:45,772 --> 00:15:46,840 How you doing? 433 00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,495 I'm okay. I took more Advil than a lab rat. 434 00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:51,013 All right. 435 00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:52,702 So, good. Batter up. 436 00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,160 Leading off for the Yankees, 437 00:15:54,184 --> 00:15:56,356 loving husband to Sylvia, 438 00:15:56,494 --> 00:15:59,390 loving father to Debbie, Sharon, and Paul... 439 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,735 Well, to Debbie and Sharon. 440 00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:07,526 Proud grandfather to Jed, Noah, 441 00:16:07,665 --> 00:16:09,803 and the delicious new Mabel, 442 00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:12,388 the first baseman, number 10, 443 00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:15,629 Burt Buchman. 444 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,009 Number 10. 445 00:16:17,664 --> 00:16:19,456 Whoo! Go! 446 00:16:19,593 --> 00:16:22,524 Burt, I can read your watch from here. 447 00:16:23,903 --> 00:16:25,869 Okay. Come on, now. 448 00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:27,214 Just you and me, baby. 449 00:16:27,558 --> 00:16:28,869 Come on, Al. 450 00:16:29,007 --> 00:16:30,937 We're just playing catch, Al. 451 00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:32,316 Okay, Al. 452 00:16:33,178 --> 00:16:34,522 Al. 453 00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:38,039 Al. 454 00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:39,246 Huh? 455 00:16:39,384 --> 00:16:40,452 Throw the ball. 456 00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:42,729 All right. Who's arguing? 457 00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:45,866 Strike! 458 00:16:45,969 --> 00:16:46,969 Naturally. 459 00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:49,520 Shame on you, Blue, for making a call 460 00:16:49,659 --> 00:16:50,934 against your father! 461 00:16:51,072 --> 00:16:52,899 They get a nice crowd here, don't they? 462 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:54,830 Okay. 463 00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:58,071 You're gonna zing it right in to me, Al. Okay, Al? 464 00:16:58,209 --> 00:16:59,449 Here we go, Al. 465 00:17:00,933 --> 00:17:04,208 Al. 466 00:17:05,552 --> 00:17:06,656 Al! 467 00:17:08,034 --> 00:17:10,103 Stop hollering. What's wrong with you? 468 00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:14,516 Good ball. 469 00:17:14,655 --> 00:17:15,689 Are you sure? 470 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,102 All right. 471 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,240 Paulie, maybe you should 472 00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:20,170 and this is only a suggestion, 473 00:17:20,308 --> 00:17:21,792 but maybe you should be big about this 474 00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:24,756 and just say that you made the wrong call the other day. 475 00:17:24,894 --> 00:17:26,791 No. The man was safe, I called him safe, 476 00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:27,929 And the decision stands. 477 00:17:28,066 --> 00:17:30,169 If we start changing the call after the fact, 478 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:32,628 I'm really worried that the game is gonna lose its integrity. 479 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,652 Gin! 480 00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:37,927 I think the integrity ship kind of already sailed. 481 00:17:38,065 --> 00:17:39,512 Oh, look at them. Mal, do me a favor. 482 00:17:39,651 --> 00:17:42,236 Would you please see if we can get the furniture off the infield? 483 00:17:43,511 --> 00:17:44,511 Ohh. 484 00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:48,063 Pop, 485 00:17:48,925 --> 00:17:50,270 let me say this: 486 00:17:50,407 --> 00:17:52,614 I just wish there was some way we could clear this up. 487 00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:54,338 Well, me, too. 488 00:17:54,476 --> 00:17:55,786 I'm zooming. 489 00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:57,234 Watch me zoom. 490 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,061 Maybe there is a way to clear this up. 491 00:18:00,199 --> 00:18:01,337 What do you mean? 492 00:18:01,475 --> 00:18:03,313 Aunt Syl, can I see that camera for one second? 493 00:18:03,337 --> 00:18:04,370 Oh, yeah. 494 00:18:04,508 --> 00:18:06,060 Little instant replay. 495 00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:07,508 All right. 496 00:18:07,647 --> 00:18:08,715 That's so smart. 497 00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,646 He's a very, very smart man. 498 00:18:10,784 --> 00:18:13,024 All right, gentlemen. Here we go. 499 00:18:13,162 --> 00:18:15,335 Al "the butcher" Birnbaum hits the ball. 500 00:18:15,473 --> 00:18:17,265 There's Ira running, running. 501 00:18:17,403 --> 00:18:19,645 Mr. Edlin throws, which, all due respect, 502 00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:21,747 would be in slow motion even at normal speed. 503 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:23,920 And he's safe! 504 00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:25,574 Ha! 505 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,057 Safe? Yes. 506 00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:28,712 You were right. He was safe. 507 00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:30,539 Yes. Yes. 508 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:31,746 I'm sorry, Paul. 509 00:18:31,884 --> 00:18:32,884 That's okay. 510 00:18:32,952 --> 00:18:35,711 No, no, no. I mean, I'm really sorry. 511 00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:37,125 Paul... 512 00:18:37,676 --> 00:18:38,676 Son, 513 00:18:39,296 --> 00:18:40,710 my son, 514 00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:42,882 I'm sorry. Man to man... 515 00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,192 I apologize to you. 516 00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,710 Well... accepted. 517 00:18:45,847 --> 00:18:47,123 No, no, no. This is big. 518 00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:48,674 I'm terribly sorry. 519 00:18:48,812 --> 00:18:50,087 I'm filled with remorse. 520 00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:51,616 That's all right. Pop, it's in the past. 521 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,545 It happened. It's over. It's gone. Don't worry about it. 522 00:18:53,569 --> 00:18:55,156 Really? Yeah, absolutely. 523 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,303 Boy, that was a nice moment. 524 00:19:02,327 --> 00:19:03,499 Nice little moment. 525 00:19:03,638 --> 00:19:06,154 Don't worry. I've got the whole thing on tape. 526 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,291 Hi. 527 00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:11,774 Hi. Paul, I believe you know Svetlana Poszinsky. 528 00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,394 Hello, Svetlana. 529 00:19:15,532 --> 00:19:16,945 Hi, Paul. 530 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,128 Svetlana, I'm sure you remember 531 00:19:18,152 --> 00:19:19,463 your ex-mother and father-in-law, 532 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,635 Sylvia and Burt Buchman. 533 00:19:21,773 --> 00:19:25,186 Sylvia, Burt, of course you know Paul's first wife Svetlana. 534 00:19:26,013 --> 00:19:27,461 What are you talking about? 535 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,150 Okay, did I mention this to nobody at the time? 536 00:19:30,288 --> 00:19:32,978 You made her sound like a James Bond girl. 537 00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:35,909 In the earlier films when he was a struggling spy. 538 00:19:36,529 --> 00:19:37,908 Come on. Play ball. 539 00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,424 We're burning daylight here. 540 00:19:39,562 --> 00:19:42,424 Mal Noonan, do you know Paul's first wife Svetlana? 541 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,390 Hello. 542 00:19:45,527 --> 00:19:47,561 Charmed, I'm sure. 543 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:49,975 Paul, may I? 544 00:19:50,906 --> 00:19:52,216 Please. 545 00:19:52,354 --> 00:19:53,871 Has everybody had a chance 546 00:19:54,009 --> 00:19:55,974 to meet Paul's first wife Svetlana? 547 00:20:02,732 --> 00:20:04,869 Well, that's something I never would have expected. 548 00:20:05,007 --> 00:20:08,420 Svetlana comes down after all these years, meets another guy. 549 00:20:08,558 --> 00:20:09,834 Yeah. How you doing with that? 550 00:20:09,972 --> 00:20:11,317 You hanging in there? 551 00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:12,464 Do you understand what I'm saying? 552 00:20:12,488 --> 00:20:14,523 It was a paper marriage. 553 00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:16,247 I believe you said she was exotic. 554 00:20:16,385 --> 00:20:19,143 I was 20, she had an accent. What do you want? 555 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,039 Why didn't you tell me she was 73 years old? 556 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,911 If I knew that her age made such a difference to you, 557 00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,555 believe me, I would have mentioned it. 558 00:20:25,694 --> 00:20:27,797 You said she was a student at NYU? 559 00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:30,831 No, I didn't. I said I met her at NYU. 560 00:20:30,969 --> 00:20:32,727 She worked in the cafeteria. 561 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,106 Listen to me. 562 00:20:34,244 --> 00:20:35,692 In a situation like this, 563 00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,175 details are very important. 564 00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:39,037 Listen, you ask me, 565 00:20:39,174 --> 00:20:40,932 and I'll give you all the details you want. 566 00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,219 All right. Well, next time... 567 00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:43,459 No. There's not gonna be a next time. 568 00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:46,000 Really? So you don't have any other former wives? 569 00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:47,483 Uh, 570 00:20:47,552 --> 00:20:48,828 no. 571 00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:50,413 You sure? Yeah. I'm really sure. 572 00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:51,621 Okay. Good. 573 00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:53,119 All right. So it's over? It's over. 574 00:20:53,655 --> 00:20:54,655 Good. 575 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:58,998 What? 576 00:20:59,136 --> 00:21:00,757 Okay, so who was the guy with the wallet? 577 00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:20,099 Sweetie, sweetie. I don't feel like it. Not tonight. 578 00:21:20,788 --> 00:21:21,823 Really? 579 00:21:21,961 --> 00:21:23,030 I'm just so tired. 580 00:21:23,374 --> 00:21:24,374 You are? 581 00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:26,270 Yeah. Oh. I'm almost asleep. 582 00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:29,236 I understand.